My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
