Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
