You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
