Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
