Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
