As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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