I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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