I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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