If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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