the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
