My liver just broke up with me...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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