Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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