We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
