im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
