I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
