can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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