Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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