I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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