Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
