Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
