it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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