So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
