I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
