Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
