I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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