Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
