I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
