What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
