Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
