at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They took my balls.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
