i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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