I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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