when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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