Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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