Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
