I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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