I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
