I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
