I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
