Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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