I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
