im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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