Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
