I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
