Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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