No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
