I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
