he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
