He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
