There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
