I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
